On September 17, 1992 the Family Court of Kings County, New York heard a disturbing case involving the two children, two boys and a girl who were possibly being abused by their father. The allegations of sexual abuse stated that the father pinched and squeezed the buttocks and genitals of the boy children. However, it was claimed that this handling occurred while they were wrestling and playing. The father stated that he did handle the boys, but it was in no way sexual. He stated that it was just horsing around type of behavior. He stated that he had grabbed the boys’ genitals and buttocks during wrestling, but that he had been similarly touched as a child and had not considered it wrong. He stated that he realizes that it “transgresses proper parental boundaries.” The professionals called upon to review this case state that in order for the touching to be considered sexual abuse, there must be an element of sexual gratification in the touching that does not appear to be evident in this case. The doctor who examined the children stated that she could not say with absolute certainty that the boys had been abused. She advised that there were perhaps inappropriate parental boundaries, but that is not abnormal. Many parents involve in interplay with their children especially in “early stages of development that consists of touching, squeezing, patting, and pinching various parts of the child’s body including buttocks and at times genitalia.” The doctor stated that the difference is that when the child is older, the same behavior is not acceptable. She stated that some parents lack the respect for the child’s right to privacy of his own person that the child should develop as it grows and matures. The parent therefore, continues with the same games only now the child or society perceives them as inappropriate. It is agreed that there seems to be a gray area in the parental child relationship that must be examined with extreme care in order that normal parental interactions are not erroneously defined as sexual abuse. By falsely identifying this behavior as sexual abuse, a parent /child relationship can be severely damaged.
Another aspect of this allegation that must be examined is the aspect that the mother may have coached the children to make the allegations. The allegations were made to a third party outside of the normal interactions in the home which is not normal. The mother stated that years before, she had made the children watch a video tape about reporting sexual abuse. The court officers have observed the mother’s displays of illogical thinking and reports of her being incoherent. The mother has publically accused the father of sexually abusing the boys and has refused to comply with court ordered visitations because she states that he is a sex abuser. It is difficult to determine if the alleged abuse actually occurred, or if during normal family type play, touching was engaged in that had nothing to do with sexual gratification. Since it is unable to determine the intent behind the touching, the court has no choice but to dismiss the sexual abuse allegations in this case. Not only was the court unable to find that there was intent involved. The timing of the allegations to fall shortly before the hearing of this custody case is suspect especially, since it is alleged that the contact was several years earlier. Something that they do consider has led to the some of the bad feelings that the children have towards their father is the ongoing domestic violence that the children observed growing up in the home.
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